Heroes of tenderness

As a nation, and as a member of the human family, our world is defined by the HIV/AIDS pandemic, which isolates people in many different ways. In November 2005, the UNAIDS and World Health Organisations issued their joint annual report presenting updated global figures of infection and deaths from AIDS, and the picture is a grim one, especially for South Africa, which has the highest transmission rate in the world, and over six million citizens infected.

Yet, even as we need it most, the strength of our social ties is fading ? in a world that is physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually impoverished by crime, corruption, wars, violence, pollution, natural disasters, stress, broken families and orphaning, we are more likely to focus first on our own wellbeing and power-bases than on supporting our neighbours through difficult circumstances. It can take all our courage and love for life just to see to our own and our loved ones? needs.

Care-giving in a time of HIV and AIDS may be a quiet, modest form of heroism, but in terms of self-sacrifice, it is an extraordinarily brave action. South Africa?s informal volunteer corps of home-based carers - many being poor, elderly or very young themselves - who tend to those who are ill with and dying from AIDS, are themselves vulnerable to hunger, sickness, fatigue and rejection, and some are HIV-positive. Throughout all histories and cultures, it is largely women who have taken on the responsibility of caring for the sick, wounded and disabled, and who are seen to have almost limitless talent and stamina for this work.

But HIV/AIDS is teaching us that there needs to be much more balance and connection in our society if health and prosperity is to be regained. An important part of this balance lies in recognising that men, too, have a caring, tending side that is part of their inborn survival kit. Kind, protective and affirming men are seen when their fathering, mentoring and leadership roles lead to positive experiences and lifelong lessons for those in their care, whether young or old. There is nothing more uplifting than seeing a man keeping watch over his children, showing them by example how to live well and wisely, and cherishing his partner with love and respect.

According to Shelley E. Taylor, in her book The Tending Instinct, when men use their caring capabilities as women do, the whole of society reaps rewards in the generations to come. ?Social ties are the cheapest medicine we have?, she writes. They are also the best healing mechanisms: we can see how this idea applies to both treatment for and prevention of HIV infection. Adhering to anti-retroviral drugs requires complex support systems, not only from health practitioners, but also through assistance from family, friends, neighbours and workplace contacts. Prevention is also a matter of openness and trustworthy engagement with partners: violence against, as well as sexual coercion of, women and children, destroy all hope for this approach.

HIV and AIDS cannot be dealt with alone. Belonging is a human instinct, and when exclusion and rejection scatter us, our collective nature is wounded. As we enter 2006, Sondela cheers for all the heroes of tenderness, who work on through the days and nights ? often unaided and rejected themselves by a cruelly competitive society - to heal the earth, empower the poor, defend the weak and the outcast, and give others the knowledge of what it means to be valued without reserve. Wherever you are, we are in your debt.

Come closer! Write to Judith King ? The Editor, HIVAN, Public Affairs Annex, 232 King George V Avenue, Durban 4041.

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