Orphan grows up to care for other orphans

Sam is an orphan who now looks after younger orphans. Sam, a short 17-year-old with a shiny face, has been a childcare worker for the past year, taking care of orphans and children from very poor homes.

While it is an unusual job for a young man, what is more unusual is that Sam himself is an orphan. Since 2003, when his mother died, Sam has been living with two brothers scarcely older than he is.

Sam, who prefers not to give his surname, knows how tough it can be without money. At times, he and his brothers survived purely on tips from pushing trolleys at a supermarket in Pinetown.

?“Some of the children here face big problems and they don?’t know what to do. Some remind me of myself,?” he admits.

Twenty-one-year old Thabo* works along with Sam, offering daily care for 22 children at a house in Luganda outside Durban which is rented by the St Mary?’s Community Outreach Centre (CoC).

While both Thabo?’s parents are alive, his family of six is extremely poor and he has erratic contact with his father.

Sam and Thabo met in August 2003 when the COC organised a support group for orphans and children living in difficult circumstances at KwaNdengezi, one of the areas served by the St Mary?’s Hospital and Catholic parish in Mariannhill.

?“We approached a high school in KwaNdengezi and explained that we wanted to set up a support group. The school identified vulnerable children by their inability to pay school fees or absence of parents,?” says Caroline Howlett, a COC volunteer who runs the support group.

?“The idea of the group was to facilitate contact between children from similar situations, emotionally support the kids, assist with homework, build self-esteem, help with physical needs, improve life skills, and play and have fun,?” says Howlett.

The group has met every Friday since it was established, and runs on very little money. One of its greatest successes, explains Howlett, is the bonds of support that the children formed.

?“At first, I was shy to go because the other kids said ?‘these are orphans?’,?” says Sam. ?“But I saw it would be nice to know other kids who also live without parents and to get some advice.

?“I think the best thing for me was to learn life skills about how to do things on my own. I didn?’t have somebody to give me advice, but at the group there were the facilitators, Mam?’ Caroline and Mam?’ Frieda. They could help me,?” he adds.

?“They became new parents for me. When we were struggling at home and I was thinking of going to steal, I could talk to them. They would remind me that would be wrong and help me to keep thinking positively.?”

For Thabo, simply being able to share the harshness of his young life without money was a relief: ?“I thought I was not allowed to tell anybody my problems, but if you don?’t talk, you get more problems. So I talked and I got encouragement.?”

As adults often impose what they think orphans want without asking the children themselves, Howlett decided to ask the children themselves what they wanted most.

In detailed interviews with 12 members of the group, Howlett said they all identified four main problems. Top of the list was the struggle to get social grants, which they said this was a long process that was being frustrated by unnecessary delays by social workers.

The next biggest problem was that they had no money for school fees. This was followed by the knowledge that ?“other children have more?”, especially better clothes, and this made those without feel ashamed and conspicuous.

Deliwe*, a 17-year-old girl, explained ?“I don?’t go to church anymore. I used to go when my mother was alive. I keep away as my clothes are old.?”

The fourth major problem the children expressed was their need for love. Ayanda* (17) has been an orphan since she was 12, and lives in her grandmother?’s house with 17 other people. Her grandmother died in 2004 and only her aunt and one of her sisters is working: ?“Sometimes they hit me like a dog and then I think they don?’t love me. They say things like ?‘remember this is not your actual home. My granny didn?’t used to say things like that.?”

The COC now runs eight support groups in the area and these provide a lifeline for children caught up in the loneliness of being parentless and in poverty.

For Sam and Thabo, who both finished school last year, their support group has opened many doors for them.

This year, Howlett organised training for them as childcare workers, and next year, they will be studying part-time ?– Sam, human resources and Thabo, business management ?– while continuing to care for the children.

?“There are many misconceptions about children?’s ability to cope or deal with what is happening in their lives,?” says Howlett. ?“However, in many cases children do cope and develop mechanisms to deal with their own situations.

?“In Southern Africa, a whole new generation of children exists where HIV and AIDS has always been part of their lives. Perhaps because of this, dealing with the effects of HIV and AIDS might not be as traumatic for them as many adults might believe it is. The only way we can know this is if we ask them and involve them in true partnership.?”